Thursday, April 18, 2013

When I grow up I'm going to be Audrey Hepburn.

I usually don't buy magazines off the rack, but I bought this issue of Vanity Fair because it has a beautiful picture of Audrey Hepburn and Audrey Hepburn was a perfect person.

The article was about her love for Rome, her family, her style and her perfection. It's easy to tell by all of  her films and photos that she was just as charming in real life as she was on screen. Just reading about her makes one feel like a more kind, stylish and generally wonderful person.

The article talked about the relationships stars had with photographers in those days. They would pose for exclusive pictures in exchange for those photographers not publishing any unflattering, too-candid shots. But of course Audrey Hepburn didn't need these sorts of deals because photos of her blowing her nose were still featured on Vogue covers. (I made that up.)

The only thing that surprised me was learning she was married twice, because what kind of idiot allows himself to get divorced from Audrey Hepburn. It is clear her first husband developed some sort of mental illness later in life that caused him to forget everything that had happened on the previous day when waking up each morning. Kind of like Drew Barrymore in 50 First Dates, except he also developed a violent aversion to everything lovely and good in the world and therefore could naturally no longer be in Audrey's presence. He couldn't remember how much he liked her so the aversion to loveliness could never be overcome.


Unfortunately Vanity Fair is kind of a lame magazine and I wish they didn't have their name mucking up this cover.  In the VERY SAME ISSUE there was a, literally, FIVE PAGE article about some playboys who got in a fight in a nightclub. In agonizing detail the story lays out the two sides of the grossly pathetic story along with the current state of the resulting lawsuits. I am truly experiencing feelings of self-loathing for having read the whole thing. How could such filth be included in a magazine with an article about Audrey Hepburn.