Friday, October 30, 2009

News 2

Continuing a track record of exciting politics, Haiti has ousted their fifth prime minister in five years for reasons that are unknown. After a nine hour debate, during which time Prime Minister Michele Pierre-Louis was apparently not mentioned, she was given the boot. Figuratively speaking of course since she wasn't at the Senate meeting. What? Not there? Well the senators spent a significant amount of time accusing each other of carrying weapons and stomping out of the room. They complain it's always harder to 'let loose' with the prime minister hanging around.

Interrupting several hours of no aviation disasters, the industry said, 'Wait, more news!' and a crash immediately occurred between a military aircraft and helicopter. Effective immediately the FAA has issued some memos.

  1. 'No news is good news'.
  2. Seriously. 'There is such a thing as bad publicity.'
  3. Aircraft only permitted to touch another solid object while landing. Contact with buildings, the ocean or other aircraft is strictly prohibited.

In yet another heartwarming international business story, reports have surfaced of visits to the U.S. by Russian tycoon Oleg Deripaska, graciously arranged by the FBI. Deripaska needed to calm some investor confidence shaken due to his lack of a Visa. He doesn't have a Visa because he's suspected of Mafia connections. But he says these allegations are just part of a smear campaign by the U.S. When asked if he said that just because that's what Russia always says, he said, 'No.' The FBI later released a statement defending their actions: 'Deripaska does business here and everyone in Russia is... you know... I mean... it's not like we can just not talk to Russians.'

Saturday, October 17, 2009

What I like

Dior is amazing. I love this blouse. When I first saw the movie 'Mrs 'Arris Goes to Paris' I thought Mrs. 'Arris was an idiot for spending her life's savings on a trip to Paris and a Dior dress. Clearly I was the idiot.

Thursday, October 15, 2009


Get excited.

For older posts go here ---->

News Bulletin 1

Personal opinion: I realize this has become a tired topic over the past couple days but I'd like to go on record saying the Nobel Peace Prize should be scrapped. The other prizes are great, I was in awe reading about accomplishments I barely understood, but the Peace one doesn't make sense. Obama's award has sparked recent debate but this prize has a history of being not understandable. Let's recap:

Winners: Obama, Gore, Carter, Arafat, Mother Teresa
Losers: Gandhi

The idea that Arafat and Mother Teresa had anything in common has been proven impossible by science. Awards that are scientifically impossible should not be encouraged.

In an attempt to take a bite out of Apple (bahahahahaha!!!!), Microsoft is opening its first retail outlets in Arizona and California. The stores will feature a tech help desk, electronic objects on large white tables and a trendy all-white color scheme. In order to avoid any confusion the sign above the door will say 'Microsoft' and have a picture of an apple with a line through it. Store patrons will be able to play around on Microsoft Office as long as they want!

Those following the situation in Honduras will be glad to hear of progress made in talks between interim president Micheletti and ousted president Zelaya. We don't have details on the progress though so that might not be true. It seems everyone actually from Honduras is pretty cool with the outing. They say Zelaya was violating the constitution by trying to extend the term of his presidency. Everyone else in the world thinks it was a coop and Zelaya should be restored to power.

Monday, October 12, 2009

To the original Mr. C

Dear Christopher Columbus,

Thank you for discovering America. We now have a holiday celebrating your discovery. Some people get a vacation day on this holiday and 'some people' includes the people who check parking meters. I'm not one of the people who gets a vacation day but am one of the people that parks. I enjoyed parking for free today.

Thank you,