Friday, March 28, 2014

Next time I'm leaving on a jet plane

Last weekend I took the Megabus to Chicago and it was eventful. All the texts I sent my sister are below. This is probably as close as I'll ever get to Twitter.

Me: The bus driver just announced, "Not too familiar with this route, might need some help, I'm being serious."

  - Sister: Uhhh is *name of person who doesn't understand directions* driving the bus? That makes me nervous. How do they not have super good GPS?

Eh, I think the multiple road signs saying go west to get to Twin Cities will help.

Some guy also started frantically yelling at the bus driver when she was getting on saying he really "needed to explain something." He didn't have a ticket so she wouldn't let him on.

I think I love the Megabus after all.

There are guys (adults) in front of me seriously trading video game cards.

   - Hahaha that's awesome! Pokemon?

Can't tell, they look more mythical.

   - Hmm game of thrones maybe. You should ask if you can get in on it and offer your art institute ticket or something.

Hahaha it is limited edition. Only so many were printed that day.

(later) Legit almost missed an exit.

Wait, DID miss an exit and almost missed the exit we just used to turn around.

   - Geez, first day driving?!

Evidently. Whoa she seriously has no idea where we're going. "Anybody know where we stop up here?" Now she's blaming construction.

  - Driving to MN from Chicago is the easiest drive ever.

It's like she showed up for work and found out she'd be driving a bus today.

She has two guys up there now with phones trying to help her figure out where to go.

  - Ok I would be a little mad.

To be fair it's the stop in Madison, not figuring out which way is west.

I didn't think it would be this bad.

"Sorry about that everyone, we're going to the correct stop."

    - Hahahaaha how does she not have a map and a GPS with the stops already programmed in

Because some fares are only $1.

Also the speaker system is super loud so every time she apologizes for these inconveniences we lose hearing for a few seconds.

Bus driver: Someone smells like liquor real strong.
Passenger: Oh that's hand sanitizer. Is that what you smell? (holds out hands)
Bus driver (smells hands): Huh-uh
Passenger: Oh you smelling straight liquor?
Bus driver (nods): uh-huh.

"I gotta get everybody off the bus cause I need air in the tires"

"We're about 20 minutes from the next stop... so I guess you can call your loved ones... God bless."

"Folks we are in white out conditions. I need everybody up top to watch for exit 234, cause ya'll can see a lot better than I can."

It was a great trip!

Saturday, March 15, 2014


Overheard snippets of conversation is one of the best things about public transportation.  For example, the following:

"I don't know. Everybody say she a man and take pills. Child, you need to cut all your hair."

Wednesday, March 12, 2014


Maybe you woke up this morning and wondered, 'Hmmm I wonder what Lauren is freaking out about today."

Well, I'll tell you. I am tired of packing lunches for work. Actually of getting ready for work days in general. Between work and getting ready for work I have two full time jobs.

How can this be???

Think about 5 work days. How many ziploc bags does it take to pack 5 days worth of lunches? About 37. It's a real hurdle to getting a meal together. Cumulatively it adds up to a lot of life and, considering our limited existence on earth, I think I've exceeded the amount of time one should spend opening bags, filling bags, and then sealing bags.

Getting ready for a work day is a whole other conniption. Because it's never just the work day. First there's the lunch and ziploc bags you just packed. Which don't fit in a purse. Then after work activities must be considered. Like working out. This means a pair of work out shoes, etc. And in Minnesota, where snow never ends, you also need boots. So boots. Work shoes. AND workout shoes!

By the time everything is pulled together you're equipped for the next 16 hours with at least 3 bags containing food, tons of shoes, a change of clothes, books, ski equipment, a bunch of silverware from last week's lunches, general feelings of annoyance and a phone.

The solution is obvious. Robots could handle all of this easily because they don't experience boredom and their steel arms wouldn't get tired from carrying lots of bags.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Story from a Small Town

In high school my sister worked at a gas station. One day a guy came in and grabbed a newspaper. Then he went in to the restroom. After about 20 minutes he came out, placed the newspaper back on the rack, and left.