News Bulletin

Big Spender
Greece continues to spend more money than they have and the latest word from left party leader Alexis Tsipras is that they intend to keep doing so. 'We're sort of tired of austerity.' he explains. Alexis goes on to say if Europe stops financing Greece, Greece can't make debt payments to Europe. Which, on second thought, 'wouldn't be all that bad because then we could use debt payment money for other stuff.' German Chancellor Angela Merkel keeps insisting prodigal children are only supposed to be allowed to rip off their parents once before taking responsibility for themselves and begging for forgiveness, 'That's what the Bible says.'

To Tell or Not to Tell
U.S. drone strikes are obviously not a secret but they are technically classified. Due to inundations of requests for more information about the strikes, officials are thinking about making more information less classified. Scholars say this could be a good way for the government to demonstrate drone strikes are handled carefully. When pressed for comment al Qaeda representatives voiced reserved support for the initiative saying, 'the American people may feel reassured by details about how carefully strikes are planned. Especially regarding who might be on the receiving end of a carefully planned strike.'

Ransom
Towards the beginning of the month 29 Chinese fishermen were allegedly kidnapped by North Koreans demanding ransom. According to the Chinese media, China is in complete control of the situation and has been reassured by North Korea that the fishermen are in good health and some have even been sent back to China. Chinese people, however, are not convinced and are getting fed up with North Korea. A concerned bystander said, 'I get we're allies or whatever with [North Korea], but this isn't how you treat your only friend.'