A Decidedly Non-expert Car Review

Last weekend I went to the Twin Cities Auto Show.  Below is a review chock full of opinions based solely on appearance.

From the side and back the Buick Regal is a classy car, but the front reminds you it's still your grandparent's slightly boring sedan.  A fact that rubs in the horrifying realization you were just admiring a Buick.

The Nissan electric demonstrates how far the auto world has to go in beautifying the design of electric cars.  The Leaf embodies extremely advanced technology and will compel owners to put paper bags over their heads when driving.



There was once a Honda Civic heyday.  All the 2011 designs draw on how Honda looked before that time when it was only recognized as a reliable import.  If you looked up 'Meh.' in the dictionary you would see this car.   

Were all the designers on some kind of union holiday? Send them to WI where they're putting an end to such nonsense. Oooooh yes, inflammatory political statement in a car review.  I know little about unions, but if they're responsible for the Honda, I'm adamantly against them.

BTW the above also applies to all the VW models I can remember.  

Whoa! Germany, your precious little VW just got compared to a Honda. 

Things I did like:

The KIA hybrid.  Fun!  Never mind it probably has the power of an electric wheelchair. 

Keep in mind I also know little about reading 'specs' so the above assessment of the KIA's capabilities could, for better or worse, be untrue.

The Audi A7. 

 Making a hatchback look sophisticated is every designer's nemesis, so anyone who achieves the impossible deserves respect.  (props also to Porsche in this department, and yes their hatchback happened awhile ago, but I didn't go to an auto show that year).


The Cooper Countryman. 

                                                           

This is painful because I was abrasively against it originally, but this is one of the cutest little SUVs ever!  My concern is Mini becoming a whatever brand, like Starbucks - starting off elite but obtainable only to later descend into the reviled abyss of mass production. They should get rid of the goofy extended mini and stop with the regular Cooper and Countryman.

Mind cleanse

I have had enough of trashy television.  Specifically, reality television.

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Going forward only TV one would watch with a virtuous grandmother is allowed which will mean a radical departure from Housewives, Kardashians, JerseyS and all other ridiculous garbage.  After a shameful diet of far too much of the above, I have had enough and am taking a stand for quality, good etiquette and America before Survivor.

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Plus, Fact As Old As Time:

After you watch some shows you feel like this:

And after other shows you feel like this:

I'm not against modern television and seriously enjoy reality TV.  Since its inception, the captivating appeal of watching people yell at each other has been named the first Intangible Wonder of the World.  Spectacularly entertaining examples of human disaster.    However, sometimes it is good to look away from the train wreck. 

I've DVRd about 8 episodes of I Love Lucy and my goal is to last the month of April.  Will all this wholesomeness be too sappy?  Probably.  Little House on the Prairie can be sickeningly sweet.

But not as sickeningly sweet as Shirley Temple.  I absolutely cannot stand Shirley Temple.  She makes me feel like the cat and I'm only watching stuff that makes me feel like the baby.

Good moods

There are several things making me very happy right now.

1.  The girl scout cookies I just bought.

These are probably the best cookies in the world and I resisted buying some twice before giving in today.  I am not planning to share.  Someone else who sits across from me at work bought some and did offer to share with everyone in our row.  I turned up my radio and pretended to be especially busy for several minutes.

2.  La traviata

This is one of my favorite operas.  It's easy to listen to and doesn't make you squirmy or impatient for intermission wine.  It's making me especially happy right now because I'm going to Minnesota Opera's opening night performance tomorrow.

3. Museums

Nerd ALERT.  At this moment the gods of history and art, may they live forever, are smiling upon the Twin Cities with glorious blessings of cool museum exhibits.

George Washington: Was Awesome at the Minnesota History Center

    Yes, fine, the actual title is Discover the Real George Washington: New Views from Mount Vernon.

Tutankhamun: The Golden King and the Great Pharaohs at the Science Museum of Minnesota.  Who doesn't love mummies?

Titian and the Golden Age of Venetian Painting: Masterpieces from the National Galleries of Scotland at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts

4. Happy Hour

Meritage is one of my favorite restaurants in St. Paul and they just started hosting a happy hour.  And by 'just' I mean 'several months ago'.  Yes, it's true, sometimes I move slowly, but I'm finally going tonight and am excited about delicious wine and apps. 

An ode to the hat

Before we get to the hats - a follow up on the last post.  The word on my calendar today is hilarious:

grok v: to understand profoundly and intuitively
She chewed her gum with such concentration it appeared she was grokking everything around her. 

So, yes, hats.  I love them.  I grok them.  Sometimes when pondering how to use the extra thousands of dollars I have laying around I surf high end fashion sites looking for hats.  Thank heavens Gucci provides a palatable version of this basic necessity, ensuring one can cover one's head properly and add to even the most fabulous of outfits. 

Real Big Wordz

For Christmas my parents gave me a word of the day calendar.  I keep it on my desk at work and I love it.  Especially on days when I read the word and think, 'No.  That is absolutely not a word.', and then go to dictionary.com, confirm it is, and listen to the pronunciation. 

I expect to be crowned 'High Queen of Scrabble' in the near future.  As soon as I actually start playing scrabble.  If I don't my title will just be, 'Irritating and Pompous User of Words.'

Some favorites so far:

coeval adj: of the same or equal age, antiquity, or duration
The two friends' coeval head colds lead to an appalling amount of Kleenex consumption.

hermetic adj: difficult or impossible for one of ordinary knowledge to comprehend 2: airtight 3: resistant to outside influence
Betty's hermetic references to relationship etiquette led to many vaguely alarmed looks from Bob.

solipsism n: a theory holding that the self can know nothing but its own modifications and that the self is the only existent thing; also : extreme egocentrism
The baby displayed an alarming tendency towards solipsism, refusing to show any concern for the emotional health of the family cat.

otiose adj:  producing no useful result : futile 2: being at leisure : idle 3: lacking use or effect : functionless
The new Lazy-Boy with a concealed cooler in the armrest rendered Wilmer's beer koozie collection quite otiose.

tutoyer v: to address (someone), using the familiar forms of the pronoun "you"; address familiarly
Apparently this is a French word so I don't understand why it was included in an AMERICAN calendar. I also can't immediately think of of a way to use it in a sentence and am therefore being solipsisticly* American to hide my laziness.

 *cannot guarantee valid variation/use of solipsism

boffin n: chiefly British : a scientific expert; especially : one involved in technological research
Oh you wittle boffin you! Look at all the new wittle technological research you just researched. You did a good job! Oh yes you did!

News bulletin

U.K. chief media advisor Andy Coulson has resigned amid ongoing criticism for less than professional reporting tactics when editor of tabloid, News of the World.  Upon hearing their iconic tabloid was not the highest pinnacle of professional journalism, jaws of U.K. citizens have not stopped dropping and the country has plunged into total confusion.  Mr. Coulson claims he was unaware of shady tactics while at the helm of the paper, but alert individuals pressing the case do not believe him.

Former Hatian dictator Jean-Claude "Baby Doc" Duvalier has gone back to Haiti after living in France for 25 years.  He left Haiti because people objected to his habits of embezzling, money laundering and murder. When asked why he would return to Haiti, officials said, 'We have absolutely no idea and cannot even come up with a reasonable guess'; and now he's charged with all those crimes again.  Close advisors to the former leader insist they did their best to explain: 1) definitions of 'earthquake' and 'amnesia' 2) cute nicknames' lack of legal importance.

Book and a movie

I read A Room with a View awhile ago, and then I watched the movie.  Both were hilarious and the movie is as good as the book.  It could even *scandalous statement* be watched before reading.  There's one reason for this: Ivory and Merchant adaptations are flawless.

A review I read said something about 'a critique on Victorian society' which I suppose is true, but who cares.  It's a charming, funny story; stuffy Edwardian manners at their best with plenty of self-righteous indignation over any infraction*.

*Infractions most frequently committed by the more rambunctious younger and/or Renaissance characters**. 

**I'm not being pretentious by mentioning 'Renaissance characters'.  That's what they are.  Sometimes it's good to use specific vocabulary. 

A few favourite* lines from a few favourite* parts (won't be funny until you watch/read, so do one of those):

Charlotte Bartlett: 'I would have given you the larger room Lucy, but I happen to know it belonged to the young man.'

Charlotte Bartlett: *cough* Oh no, don't trouble yourself.  It's not a cold.

Mr Emerson: There, look at that fat one!

*An American using English U.K. spelling is a little pretentious.