It's ok to eat Fritos

Fritos have three ingredients: whole corn, corn oil, and salt.

Football game watchers who reach for a bag of Fritos counting on an artery clogging, food coma inducing snack have been deceived.  In reality Fritos are full of heart-healthy unsaturated fats and contain only a reasonable amount of sodium.

In one of the more shocking food-related revelations of 2011, Fritos have been declared a 'health food', but don't worry about finding them on the shelves of a local food co-op for $10.  While their comprehensible ingredient list has garnered a few health nut fans, they are clearly not marketed toward the granola crowd.  If they were, they would not be called Fritos.  They would be called Wholemeal Corn Crisps, or Crunchy Corn Squares (despite not being squares), or perhaps Wholegrain Chips with Real Chunks of Corn.

Anyway.

'Fritos are health food' has been a public service announcement and was intended to dispel reservations about purchasing a bag because Fritos seem like trashy food Joe Dirt would eat - as well as preemptively assure consumers that purchasing a bag one won't result in a food snob label.  Fritos are an equal opportunity health food.  Fritos are for everyone.

The next public service announcement will address Corn Nuts.

I am so old.

An old saying dating back to the founding fathers says, 'Everything you need to know about a person can be determined by their mail.'

'Really?'
'No, idiot. I just made that up what are you, 5?'


I'm rude and crotchety because my mail is telling me it's all over.  I'm old and boring. 

As a young child I remember visiting both my grandmother and great aunt and being very impressed by their mail.  Organizations were continually sending them 'free' stuff in exchange for a suggested donation. My love for office supplies, stationary products and address labels was tortuously whetted by the envelopes they received containing monogrammed tablets with puppies on them, or return labels covered with roses.  Getting letters was a childhood highlight and I really wanted the Red Cross, Veterans Foundation and Humane Society to send me their nice things via post.

Now I know more about these mailings.  Only senior citizens get them.
So you can imagine my concern upon receiving one. 

It was from a native american reservation school in North Dakota and they sent an unacceptable amount of junk.  There were at least 10 things in this envelope, the crown jewel of which was a 'handmade' dream catcher which I immediately hung in my room. 

Second piece of evidence. 

Despite several efforts to the reverse, I am somehow on an e-blast list for Country Life.  Below is a revolting photo from one of their e-mails. 

Do they think they're hitting their demographic by sending this to me? If so, why?

I don't understand.  Although I do look nice in baby blue.

Third incident is unrelated to mail.

The other day at work I told someone to, 'Holler if you need help.'  

Ummmm what? Really. Holler? Who says holler.  Old people.  That's who says holler.      

At around the age of 13 one of my friends told me I'll make a very nice old lady.  She's probably clearly right, but based on the above evidence I'll be turning into a 'my sore ankle predicts the weather' type rather than the 'I'm an 80 year old iron man competitor' type. 

Oh what to do???  So far I've just bought some motorcycle boots.  They went a long way towards solving the problem.  In fact, they solved two problems: 1- being old and boring and 2- not having motorcycle boots. 

Here is a picture of them:

Death to maternity wear for the masses!

Finally!!! The tides have been shifting for awhile now, and for SS12 Valentino beautifully informs us that waists are back!  No more shapeless baby doll dresses which, while perhaps comfortable, were flattering for absolutely no one aside from those carrying babies.  Inside themselves. 

Life is short, eat dessert first

I would like to take a moment to urge everyone to visit their local bakery.  My favorite is Jerabek's of St. Paul.  I've made their success a personal mission. 

True to the American way of excess many food establishments feel one good flavor is inferior to 37 mediocre ones and a single serving size means you're not trying hard enough. Please don't attempt to deny the lack of satisfaction felt when one would love a simple cupcake but the only thing to be found is a cream filled, cinnamon caramel, carrot cake pumpkin spice latte cupcake that weighs 2 pounds and costs eight dollars. 

Jerabek's doesn't have this problem. Their display cases are filled with the results of perfect recipes fully mastering one concept in reasonably sized portions.  The stacks of chocolate chip cookies, rows of petit fours and buttery croissants are almost too wonderfully old fashioned to be true, were not made for Paul Bunyan and cost less than three dollars. Seriously.  They have cookies for 33 cents.

Presentation alludes to county fair, chocolate brownies and rhubarb bars are cut and left in the pans, everything is can't-be-faked homemade.  If your practical and talented grandparents opened a bakery it would be Jerabek's. It is a cute place, but they don't waste time dressing up something like a rhubarb bar because 1. that's a waste of time and 2. their rhubarb bar doesn't need any dressing up.

Yes, Caribou and Starbucks are fine, but why settle for fine when you have local bakeries.

Dear Chrysler, stop being a knock off

             Ok Chrysler, you were pushing the line between 'inspiration' and 'pretty much just copying' here:

Now you're also 'inspired' by Aston's logo?

Ummm ok.  Sure.

Do you really want to be a sloppy imitation of everyone who's cooler than you? Someone who just reminds their audience their car looks pretty good, but not as good as certain other cars; and it has a pretty cool logo, but not as cool as certain other logos.

'Oooh is that a ______?! Oh. Never mind. It's just a Chrysler. Whatever. Everyone go back to what they were doing.'

Take me out to the ball game.

Saint Paul Saints Game!!

Delicious brats!

Original Saints shirt specially sharpied for this game

$10 ticket view

Crowd particiption.  Some kind of extra 'game' on the field every 30 seconds.

Hate baseball?  The game wasn't the most interesting thing happening.

You is smart. Read good stuff.

I would like to take a moment to encourage everyone to start reading The Economist.

It's full of excellent, thorough coverage of world events and presents arguments instead of spouting opinions. Even if readers don't agree with a viewpoint, they are given reasoning behind the author's thoughts instead of being called idiots. (I'm looking at you, various unnamed news outlets and politicians)

This magazine also probably carries the most street-cred of all news sources.  When one mentions reading The Economist, the other party in the conversation invariably reacts with a raise of the eyebrows and an 'Oh' spoken with a slight raise in tone that says 'I'm reflecting on your choice of reading materials and am impressed.  You've shown yourself to be a serious and educated follower of news.'

The Economist is also completely shame free public reading material.  Try as she might, the author cannot overcome feeling silly attempting to read trivial, celebrity oriented magazines in public and always resorts to folding such publications into odd shapes to hide embarrassing article headlines such as 'Lindsey did something dumb again.' or 'Angelina now adopting various African animals, exceeded baby quota'.

The Economist will make you smart inside and out.

Now it is an intense magazine, and there is no 'starter article' providing 101 explanations of various economic or foreign policy terms.  So read carefully. Maybe consider Political Science for Dummies.  Unless The Economist already seems like 101 because you're a genius.  In which case this post probably did absolutely nothing for you.